The Thai Reality experienced by all Falang (Westerners) will be unique to each individual. Broadly speaking Falang here can be divided into 3 Categories.Category (1) Married to a Thai Lady and living in or close to a Village in the Thai Countryside.Category (2) Fooling around in the Girly Bars and having a Great,though comparatively costly time. Category (3) New Meat,these Guys are new to Thailand,have not figured out all the possibilities and are inevitably rather confused by what they find.
It is with the latter Category in mind that I write my Blog. The Guys who have Married and settled down here have made their decision and one wishes them well.Category (2) the Party Animals are,let us be Candid here,essentially Sex Tourists.If One is completely Honest One has to admit that ALL Westerners in Thailand are to a greater or lesser degree Sex Tourists.
In addition to the main Categories of Falang Resident in Thailand there is a Sub Category consisting of Men who have experience of living in South East Asia.This,experience allows them to observe the antics of Thai Ladies and their and Randy Falang pursuers without becoming in any way involved in the Pantomime!! It is from amongst this Latter grouping that I have chosen my Friends. Cynics to a Man we exchange tales of Foolish Falang. Honesty forces me to admit that our ” Heard it All Seen it All” Attitude is ever so slightly Smug!!
I have learned of the events I am going to describe in this Post over the Course of the last Two Weeks. Everything I relate is based on input I have received from my Friends who have no interest in exaggeration.I believe the following to be representative of the Thai Reality.
Thai Reality (1) An Australian Friend who divides his time between America,Australia and Thailand is staying at a Hotel here in Town. He describes meeting a 52 Year Old Australian at the Hotel Swimming Pool.This 52 Year Old Man has been in Thailand for under 6 Months yet he has Married a 26 Year old Thai Girl whom he met in a Bar in Phuket!!
Employing a modicum of Subtlety my Friend questioned the Man,Was his Lady a Bar-Girl? “oh no” came the reply “she just happened to be in the Bar meeting a Friend she had not seen for a long time!!” Does She speak English? “Yes” the reply, “so which career is she employed in that necessitates speaking English?” I should point out that apart from Sex Workers or Women trying to find a Falang on the Internet it is only really in the professional Classes where English is spoken!! In fact my Girlfriend is adamant that it is only Whores who speak good English,an exaggeration obviously,but One gets the picture!!
“Has she got any Tattoos?” my friend furthered his investigation “No” the reply ” Wait a minute She does have a small one on her arm” “I bet she is a real looker” my Friend continued, to which the Australian replied in the affirmative.This 52 Year Old Australian has Married a Beautiful 26 Year Old Thai Whore!! Further he has spent One Hundred Thousand Australian Dollars (Equivalent to $100,000 US) Buying Land and building a Huge House in the Girl’s Village.The Building Plot was bought from the Girl’s Mother so no doubt he was stiffed on the price of the Land!!
“So how are you getting along with your Lady?” my Friend inquired “any problems?” “Well now you mention it she has got a bit Ratty just lately” the Australian answered.The truth is that he will have his House and his Sexy little Bar-Girl only for so long as he continues to be a provider of Cash for Her and Her Family. When the Penny finally drops and he ceases to shell out he will be unceremoniously dumped out of the House.His lost $100.000 plus everything else which his Thai Totty has taken him for a painful reminder of his Thai Reality!!
As my Australian Pal remarks it is our own fault, Falang have been coming here for 50 Years and making the same stupid mistakes!! Who can actually blame the Thai’s for believing that all Falang are rich and that they simply pick money off of trees in their home Countries!! Furthermore my chum ( a bit of a philosopher) opines that the most dangerous thing any Falang can bring to Thailand is his EGO!! Actually believing all the old TOSH ladled out by Thai Ladies on the Make i.e. “Handsome Man” (Believe it or not this actually works for the Thai Tarts), it must work or they would not continue to use it!!
Thai Reality (2) is rather less extreme than the last offering.It is in fact thoroughly typical of countless relationships between Falang and Poor Issan Women. The scam is much less spectacular yet it pervades every facet of the relationship.The Thai reality here is that Thousands if not Tens of Thousands of situations like the one described here exist in Issan.
These Lower Class Thai Females have never had Money,when they nail a Falang and are exposed to the Luxuries which money can provide they quickly become addicted!!As I am apt to mention Ad Nauseam no matter how much you give your Thai Woman it is never quite enough!! The Falang in question is yet another Australian and he is an acquaintance of the chap who told me about the occurrences detailed earlier.
The story here is commonplace in that the Falang has a Thai Woman who endeavors to have him support her entire Family. He allowed himself to be persuaded to buy the Woman’s Son a Motorcycle,the pretext being that he would use it to find a job!! Of course this was the piece of nonsense which it sounded like. The spoilt out of control Kid has been tearing around Town on his brand new Bike causing all kinds of Mayhem.
He appeared back at the Hotel the other Morning Minus the Motorcycle, he had run up a Bill of 4,000 Baht in a Karaoke Bar and they had kept the bike against Payment. My Friend and I both agree that the Bill was probably a lot less than this, and the 4,000 Baht would be split between the Kid and the Bar owner!! Needless to say the Dumb Schmuck Australian was persuaded to go and pay the Bill.
In fact the Kid has got into so much trouble with his new toy that even his adoring Mother has had enough and the Bike is now securely Chained up at the Hotel.The Mother has instructed the Falang to sell the Bike even if he only gets 10,000 Baht for it!! Of course it is all right for the Woman to make suggestions like this as She paid not One Baht toward the purchase of the Bike which cost 45.000 Baht £1000,00 or $1,500.
This poor dumb Australian has family members sleeping on the floor in his Hotel room,all of whom are of course being supported by him. I could go on but I am sure that you get the picture.When asked by his Friend why he was still with this Woman the Mentally Feeble Man replied that the whole Family had come to welcome him at the Airport!!! Of course they came to greet him at the Airport their PERSONAL ATM was arriving back!!! The situation described above is not in the least bit unusual,in fact I would describe it as the Norm!!
Thai reality (3) is a little Darker than the previous two Tales, it took place several years ago and concerns an Englishman.I have met this Guy and he is a very pleasant interesting and articulate Man,I was in fact told of his past misadventures by a third party.Unsurprisingly this Man’s downfall was caused by an ill fated Marriage to a Nasty,Greedy Issan Tart!! The Guy had foolishly paid for a House to be built.The land of course was in his Thai Wife’s name.
As has happened in Issan on many thousands of previous ocasions the Thai Wife wanted the House but did not want the Falang who went with it!! I was not told all the circumstances and am unaware if the Falang hit his Thai Wife. What I do know is that the Falang was full of righteous indignation at the thought of being dumped out of the House he had paid a great deal of money for!! This Guy coming from a Country where fair play and natural justice are the norm was outraged at the sheer unfairness of what was being attempted and decided to stay put!!
Unfortunately the concept of Fair Play and Natural Justice are totally Alien to Thai’s.Justice is available to those who can pay most and Might is Right!! Again I do not know if this Woman had a Relative in the Thai Police or if She just gave them some money. The Falang who had dug his heels in and was refusing to budge received a visit from the upholders of the Law who took him into the Countryside and beat him.He was a stubborn Guy and the beating had to be administered a second time before he bowed to the inevitability of his having to abandon the House!!
Anyone who thinks the Victim could have gone to a Lawyer or complained to the Top Cop in Issan does not understand Thailand!! Had he continued to defy these Police his next jaunt with them into the Thai Countryside would have been for him a one way trip!!!
I would just like to explain that in as much as I write about and despise the Greedy Thai Families in Issan there are thousands of Middle Class Thai Families living here who are essentially no different from decent caring people anywhere else in the World!! These normal people watch the antics of the Stupid Falang and the grasping Thai Tarts with amused detachment.As it is from amongst the Underclass that most Falang form their relationships,they never get to meet any Normal Thai’s!! The result of the above being that it seems that all Thai’s are greedy opportunists,this is in fact not actually the case.
Understanding the above is the key to understanding 99% of Thai Falang relationships.Western Men of a certain age are looking for a Sexy Thai Girlfriend.Issan’s Poor females are looking for Money for themselves and their Families,it really is that simple.What in fact should be a fairly straightforward exchange of commodities only becomes complicated by the Stupid Ego which the Falang has brought with him and by the insatiable Greed of this Female Thai Underclass!!
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