More Trivia from your Correspondent in “The Land Of Smiles” Anyone visiting Thailand will quickly become aware of the Thai’s prowess in “Brown Nosing!!” Before I slander the poor old Thai’s too much let me say that there are other Countries who far “Out-Brown-Nose the Thai’s. India I would suggest from my three or four brief visits there being the contender for number one spot!!

Much nearer to home the assistants in the fabulously expensive Shops which litter Sloan Street and Beauchamp Place would have to be candidates for “Gold Medal Status” when it comes to the Art of “Entire Anus Brown Nosing!!” ( This is when the Customers Anus is gently Massaged by the Brown Noser’s entire Face!!)

Obviously the purpose of “Brown Nosing” is primarily the pursuit of personal gain!! One has to Smile at the Brown-Brown-NosingNosing antics when one goes to eat in a Classy Restaurant here, Being a Westerner Thai’s are under the illusion that (A) One must be Wealthy and (B) they are on to a Big Tip!! Beer bottles are kept in a small Ice Bucket on a Trolley at the end of the table, and the Thai’s scoot round with manic regularity to fill Ones glass back to the Brim as soon as One has taken a sip (Of course this is also an Old Bar-Girl trick the fuller your glass the more quickly you will drink!!) you will drink more Beer get Pissed and leave a bigger Tip!! Now I do not like having anyone interfere with my drink, and I certainly do not need someone to pour it for me, poor old On gets rather embarrassed when I tell them that I will call them if I need any help, and to kindly piss off!!

The last time we went to a posh restaurant was an absolute disaster, I spotted immediately that our Waitress had an elevator which did not quite make it to the top floor!! Sure enough the stupid Woman brought me the thing which was one line up on the Menu from what I had actually ordered (The wrong dish!!) A mortified On would not let me point out the Woman’s mistake and have her bring me the correct dish!! So obsessed are Thai’s with losing face or saving face or some Mental Thai idea or other.Brown-Nosing

On of course is deeply aware that we are being watched surreptitiously by all the Thai’s in the Restaurant who are expressly on the look out for whatever kind of Barbaric behavior will be displayed by the Falang (Westerner)!! I have to acquaint the reader with the incontrovertible fact that Thai’s dislike Westerners!! On confirmed this fact for me soon after we met some Three Years  ago, although I had already figured it out for myself!!

Thailand funnily enough in common with India is one of the most Inward looking Countries in the World, it is almost as if they are afraid of what goes on in the rest of the World.Thai’s with their Monarchy (The King has an almost Godlike Status, and their Buddhist religion) actually believe that they are South East Asia’s Superpower, when in fact they have been overtaken by Malaysia and Indonesia, and will soon be trailing far behind Countries like Vietnam and Burma!!

Ok back to the point, Brown-Nosing this little tale was told to me by a Swiss Guy I met in the South of Lao just before Christmas last Year!! A friend of his was traveling in India, and had just checked in to the cleanest looking hotel in a small Town someplace.After the formalities had been completed and just as the Chap was about to go to his room the desk clerk inquired with Smiling Goodwill whether the Gentleman would like a “Young Boy” to be sent to his room!!
Now this poor bloke was absolutely Mortified, did he look like a Pedophile, why had the Clerk asked if he wanted a Boy? why not a Young Girl or a Sheep or perhaps a Goat!! The poor chap need not have worried himself too much the inquiry was not so much the result of the Clerk’s attempt’s at sexual profiling. Like all entrepreneur’s the Clerk was simply promoting what he had stock off!! While he doubtless could procure all the items on the above list,this would involve him in both time and effort!!
As far as the Clerk was concerned all Westerners were “Closet Pedophiles” any way so what had he to lose!! He therefore with smiling Bonhomie went on to list all the possibilities of a liaison with this unfortunate Child. Managing to prevent himself from throwing up and also resisting an overwhelming urge to strangle the obsequious Pimp the Swiss fled to his Room!!

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